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Anti-bullying Laws Have Increased Tension in Schools Like Never Before in History
As the Parent/Teacher Association, you are the school body that represents the partnership of the people that are most involved in the upbringing of the children. You want what is best for the kids and for the school as a whole. And you certainly are concerned with reducing bullying in the school. You probably have been eager to have anti-bullying laws passed so that bullying will stop being a problem. There is also a good chance that you have discovered that despite your school’s efforts to get rid of bullying, bullying continues to be a problem! And there is also a chance that the tension between parents and school staff has escalated. In fact, anti-bullying laws have increased tension in schools like never before in history.

Why? It’s because the bullying organizations and experts have led everyone to believe that it is the responsibility of the school to make sure that kids stop bullying each other, that bullying goes on because the schools do nothing to make it stop, and that if the school staff is informed when bullying goes on, then the staff will be able to make the bullying stop.

So what’s the problem? The problem is that the school staff are not likely to be able to make the bullying stop! The research shows that the popular zero-tolerance anti-bullying programs rarely achieve more than a minor reduction in bullying, and often result in an increase in bullying! So how in the world are schools supposed to make the bullying stop when the anti-bullying programs they are required to use don’t work?! However, having been led to believe that schools have the power to make bullying stop, the parents blame them for failing at this. The staff then needs to defend itself from angry parents and may blame them for the problem. Thus, anti-bullying laws are turning parents and teachers into enemies.

The Most Frequent and Serious Bullying Happens Right at Home
We are so concerned about the bullying among kids in school. The truth is that despite our fear of bullying in schools, school is the place were the least amount of bullying goes on. There is more bullying among adults in the workplace, and the most frequent and serious bullying of all happens right at home. The divorce rate is approximately 50%. Is it because couples are nice to each other? No. It’s because they don’t know how to get their spouse to stop bullying them. And in most families with two or more children, the kids are fighting every day and all the efforts to make them stop are futile. I conducted a survey of about three thousand mental health professionals and educators– the very people responsible for stopping the bullying among kids in school. My survey shows that their own children are four times more likely to be hit every day by a sibling at home than by another student in school. They are more than twice as likely to be called names every day by a sibling than by another student. So if the people responsible for bullying among kids in school can’t even get their own few kids at home to stop bullying each other, how can they make bullying disappear among hundreds or even thousands of children in school?

Do you know why kids fight so much at home? It’s quite simple. Let’s say you are my sibling and you have been upsetting me. Then I go tell our parents on you. Then they reprimand and/or punish you. Is that going to make you like me? Of course not. You are going to hate me, and you’ll hate our parents too! So you will want to get back at me. You will do something even worse to me, or you will look for some reason to tell our parent on me so they will reprimand and punish me! So the next incident is set into motion, and probably a worse one! And the parents go nuts trying to make the kids stop fighting, not realizing they’re making them fight!

selfesteemThe Very Act of Treating Bullying Like a Crime Makes Bullying Escalate
But now, with our anti-bullying laws, we are requiring school staff to do with students the very thing that makes the problem worse at home. The school staff are supposed to get involved in every complaint of bullying, and to punish the alleged bully. How can procedures that make things worse at home possibly make things better in school?

People don’t realize that anti-bullying laws are a Catch 22. They require schools to get rid of bullying by treating it like a crime. But the very act of treating bullying like a crime makes bullying escalate!

And this is what is hurting relationships between parents and school staff today: The parents demand that the staff make the bullying stop. So the staff get involved trying to make it stop, but the harder they try, the worse it gets! So the parents get angry at the staff for failing to make their kids stop being bullied, and the staff goes on the defensive, trying to prove that they are trying. Or the staff may blame the parents– and particularly the parents of the alleged bullies– for the problem. Then the hostilities escalate even more. If the school fails to make all the parents happy, the disgruntled ones go complaining about the school to the district office and may even hire lawyers to sue the school. Then the hostilities fly through the roof!

So What Are We to Do if the School’s Interventions Don’t Work?
Fortunately, there is a solution, and it is remarkably easy and inexpensive. The solution is the Bullies to Buddies Golden Rule System. In fact, it doesn’t have to cost the school anything. This website has free manuals that the school can use to solve the bullying problem. And we also have a variety of reasonably priced products and services that the school can purchase for solving the bullying problem.

But first of all, we need to get the parents and the staff on the same side. Parents need to stop expecting the school to do what they fail to do with their own kids at home. Until parents figure out how to get their own kids to stop bullying each other, they need to stop demanding that the school make bullying disappear among students. Parents need to realize that the staff is trying to make the bullying stop, but what the school is being required to do is not likely to work.

The single most easy and effective thing to do to reduce bullying among kids both at home and in school is to stop doing what makes the problem worse. Bullies to Buddies has a free manual, A Revolutionary Guide to Reducing Aggression between Children, that explains how the typical adult interventions make bullying worse, both at home and in school, and actually hurt the emotional development of children. We also sell an updated, printed version for only $10. The manual teaches two “magic responses” that adults can use to dramatically reduce bullying with almost no effort. The lives of parents at home and of teachers in school will become easier. The teachers will be able to spend their time educating children instead of wasting their time playing police officer over a never-ending series of bullying problems. And at the same time the children will grow in independence, resilience and emotional maturity.

SchoolPTAThe Bullies to Buddies Golden Rule System
Anti-bullying laws are turning schools into prison-like facilities in which the staff needs to secure every inch of school grounds and investigate every act of bullying. This destroys the character of the school, and it doesn’t solve the bullying problem. School is supposed to be an educational institution. And the Bullies to Buddies Golden Rule System puts the school in that role.

Bullying goes on through all of life, and kids deserve to be taught the solution. If kids need to rely on everyone else– teachers, student bystanders, parents, police officers, politicians– to solve their bullying problem, they will probably be bullied for a very long time. But if kids can learn how to solve the problem by themselves, they can start making things better right away. They don’t have to wait for others to solve the problem for them. And they feel better about themselves because they have the satisfaction of mastery. The sooner they learn how to handle bullying on their own, the sooner their lives will improve!

The Bullies to Buddies website has a free manual, icon How to Stop Being Teased and Bullied without Really Trying. It has helped countless children throughout the world. And we have books and other products for teaching kids how to stop being bullied, and for teaching school staff how to teach kids to handle bullying. You can read about them here.

It is also important for the school to have a moral, sensible policy towards kids’ aggression. Unfortunately, much of what schools do about it is neither moral nor sensible, and causes more harm than good. Can a school teach kids to treat each other morally if we discipline them immorally? Of course not. So it is important for the school to get rid of immoral (and thus counterproductive) polices and replace them with a set disciplinary policy that is truly moral. You can read our proposed bullying policy for schools: Proposal for a Rational, Moral School Bullying Policy Based on The Golden Rule

Your school can also hire Bullies to Buddies experts to come implement our program in your school. Our prices are lower than many of the most popular programs, and will quickly save the school money in many ways: 1) Staff time costs money, and the school staff will spend far less time dealing with bullying incidents and more on what they are paid to do: teach! 2) School counseling staff will become more effective in solving problems. Instead of spending hours investigating and interrogating every incident of bullying– and thereby unwittingly causing more incidents of bullying that they will need to spend time dealing with- they will be able to teach kids in a matter of minutes how to stop being bullied. Their job satisfaction will increase tremendously as they are able to help many more children in the same amount of time as before, while getting much better results. 3) Your school will greatly reduce the chances of being sued by parents for failing to stop their children from being bullied. Even if the school wins the lawsuit, the time and money spent defending itself is immense.

An inexpensive way to reduce bullying in your school is to have your staff take an online course for teachers (approximately 5 hours of study) I offer via the Professional Learning Board called Bullying: The Golden Rule Solution. The cost is only $39 per teacher. (The truth is anyone, including parents, can benefit from this course.) If you would like to have the entire staff take the course, you can negotiate a special price with Professional Learning Board. You can contact them at: Make sure that in the message you tell them that I referred you to them for a special package price for the school.

There are many ways we can help your school. Please feel free to call us at 866-983-1333 or email us at to discuss it.

Do You Need Funding to Bring the Bullies to Buddies Program to Your School?

There are a few ways we can help.

Grant Money for Bringing Bullies to Buddies Materials to Your School
You can apply for grants to bring the Bullies to Buddies materials and services to your school. Your school probably has staff members with experience applying for grants, and we have produced form letters that your school can adapt for the grant application process.

PTA Fundraising Sales Events
By the way, we can also help the PTA raise money for the school while solving the bullying problem. You can purchase our excellent and modestly priced materials in bulk at up to 50% off and sell them to parents at full price. The parents will be grateful to the PTA for making such effective materials available to them, and your PTA bank account will grow at the same time! If your school has a website, you can also become a Bullies to Buddies Affiliate and earn 20% of any sales that come our way through your website visitors.

Price page:
3 Books/CDs 10% discount
10 Books/CDs 15% discount
20 Books/CDs 20% discount
30 Books/CDs 25% discount
40 Books/CDs 30% discount
50 Books/CDs 35% discount
60 Books/CDs 40% discount
75 Books/CDs 50% discount

Become an Affiliate:
If you have a website, you can also earn money by becoming a Bullies to Buddies Affiliate. Earn 20% of any sales that come our way through your website. No effort on your part is required! To join, click here.

Get the Principal/Administrators on Board

To help you get the cooperation of school principals and administrators we constructed a letter you can use with your organization letterhead to address them. Please click here for a copy: Bullies to Buddies letter to Principals

This is what Izzy Kalman, creator of, can do for your school: {tab=For School Staff} * Provide school with new policy towards teasing and bullying that is based on wisdom rather than punishment, and leads to natural reduction in aggression * Demonstrate how most of the aggression between children in school is unintentionally caused by the way staff handle students’ conflicts * Teach staff simple “magic responses” that result in a quick and dramatic decrease in aggression and to heightened resilience of students * Teach school staff how to respond to parents’ complaints that they are not doing enough to punish bullies, and enlist their aid in new policy{tab=For Parents} * Teach them how to use the new approach to quickly and easily end sibling rivalry between their own children at home * Explain new school policy in a way that will earn their support{tab=For Students} * Teach kids the real cause of relentless teasing and bullying * Teach students how to apply the principles of Freedom of Speech to defeat bullies and turn them into friends * Instruct kids how to handle teasing, hitting, and rumors * Instruct children how stop their siblings from harassing them at home while gaining increased respect from parents * Provide emergency counseling to the children suffering most severely from bullying{tab=For Counselors} * Multiply counselors’ value value by training them in Izzy Kalman’s copyrighted method that “cures” victims of teasing and bulling in a few short sessions * Train counselors to present classroom lessons on Bullies to Buddies principles to eliminate aggression (regular teachers who are interested can also be trained to provide these lessons to classes){/tabs}


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