Four simple questions
Do you frequently have to try to stop students from bullying or being bullied?
Are you frustrated because the bullying never seems to end?
Do parents ever get angry with you for not adequately protecting their child?
If you have children of your own, don’t they pick on each other regularly? If you can’t prevent your own few kids from bullying each other, how can you stop an entire class of students?
A survey of thousands of mental health professionals and educators revealed that their own children are four times more likely to be hit daily by a sibling at home than by another student in school. If parents who are experts in child behavior can’t get their own few kids at home to stop bullying each other, what should be expected from a teacher who may have 30 or more students?
Research conducted by psychologist David Smith and published in the School Psychology Review revealed that the great majority of anti-bullying programs either have no benefit or make the problem worse. Only a small percentage of programs produced a minor reduction in bullying and none produced a major reduction. So how can any teacher be expected to achieve the miracle of eliminating bullying?
An alternative solution
If you and your school’s best efforts to stop bullying are not producing the desired results, then you have come to the right place.
Bullies to Buddies™ stops bullying in its tracks by empowering kids not to be victims rather than by attempting to root out and punish offenders. It thus removes from teachers the onus of playing security officers, detectives and judges.
Once you learn its principles and apply them to your student body you will be freed up to focus on the job you love – teaching!
Below we offer you several preliminary strategies to help you cope with bullying. If you and/or your school seek a comprehensive solution to the problem, please explore our programs and materials and contact us for more details.
How to handle irate parents
Both the media and mental health organizations erroneously assert that bullying happens because the schools aren’t doing anything to make it stop. As a result, parents feel justified blaming their child’s school and teacher for the way other children treat their child. How should you face irate parents?
First of all, don’t get angry back or blame the parents. Instead, stay calm and show empathy for their child by describing how much you have seen their child suffer. Tell them that you have been trying hard to help their child, but whatever you’re doing just isn’t working.
If the parents have more than one child, you can ask them sincerely, “How do your kids at home get along with each other?” They will probably tell you something like, “Oh, the normal sibling rivalry. They fight every day.”
Then respond, “If you can figure out how to get your own kids to stop fighting at home, I’d love to know how you did it. I promise I’ll adopt the same approach in my class.” This should take the wind out of their sails.
If they claim that there is no sibling rivalry or there is only one child, ask them: “When (either of) you were growing up did your siblings fight with you?” If they admit to that, ask whether their parents were able to stop it. Then continue the same response as the one above.
How to reduce bullying among your students
The single most important thing teachers and parents can do is to stop making the bullying escalate. Few people are aware that when adults intervene in bullying incidents, they actually intensify and perpetuate the bullying! Each child heatedly argues to try to convince the adult to take his/her side against the other. The loser in the situation wants to even up the score and looks for the next opportunity to create a fight and try to get the adult on his/her side. So a pattern of endless bullying is set in motion. Parents make this mistake at home. Then the kids go to school where the staff repeat the same mistake. Unless there is real physical danger, the less teacher- or parent-involvement in the hostilities between children, the better. Kids will work most situations out by themselves if given the chance. So, as best you can, step out of the way and let them deal with it.
Next is getting your students to learn how to deal with being bullied, because ultimately the person in the best position to stop a child from being bullied is the child him/herself. Bullying happens throughout life, and it happens most severely right at home. The sooner your students learn how to deal with bullying, the better their chances for living happy, harmonious lives.
Materials on this site
Our free manual, A Revolutionary Guide to Reducing Aggression between Children, explains how adult intervention causes most of the bullying between kids, and how to dramatically reduce it by using two “magic” responses. You can refer parents to this manual so they can learn how to reduce fighting at home. We also sell a printed, bound and updated version for $10.
Our free manual for children, How to Stop Being Teased and Bullied without Really Trying, has helped many kids throughout the world, and we believe it will help your students. There are also Spanish and Dutch translations. The advice is simple, but it needs to be followed diligently.It is also available for $20 as an audio CD recording. Some teachers have had their entire class listen to the CD and have seen dramatic results.
One terrific–and free–way to have kids learn how to stop being insulted is to have them conduct a social science experiment showing the effects of freedom of speech. Kids who conduct it will not only learn how to stop being insulted, they will probably teach all their Subjects the secret, too! You can access it here: https://bullies2buddies.com/social-science-experiment-is-freedom-of-speech-a-solution-to-verbal-bullying
We also offer a book called Bullies to Buddies: How to turn your enemies into your friends that provides kids with a comprehensive yet simple scientific explanation of the origins and dynamics of bullying, and how to deal with all the common bullying situations without anyone’s help.
The most recent addtion to our product line is a beautiful comic book by Chari Pere called Super-Dren: The Devictimizer that teaches kids how to deal with common bullying situations.
Reading a manual or listening to a CD is not always enough. Some kids need to be helped by an expert they can actually talk to. Bullies to Buddies™ offers a counseling program with a money-back guarantee. You can read about the program here. If you have students you think really need this service, feel free to refer parents to us.
If you want to help your entire school, possibly the most cost-effective way would be to purchase our comprehensive bullying reduction program, Victim-Proof Your School. It contains a DVD for students, one for school staff, and a printed Trainer’s Manual.
Another inexpensive way to reduce bullying in your school is to have your staff take an online course for teachers (approximately 5 hours of study) I offer via the Professional Learning Board called Bullying: The Golden Rule Solution. The cost is only $39 per teacher. If you would like to have the entire staff take the course, you can negotiate a special price with Professional Learning Board. You can contact them at: http://k12teacherstaffdevelopment.com/tlb/contact-us/ Make sure that in the message you tell them that I referred you to them for a special package price for the school.
Feel free to enjoy the many more resources this site provides. And we would be delighted to have you join our mailing list so you can receive additional materials on an ongoing basis.