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Lesson 7 – How To Stop People From Hating You


“I’m a good person. I only hate people that are intolerant.”

For years, kids have been making fun of you, and you have been sure that they hate you. Otherwise, why would they be treating you like dirt? As you know very well, it’s horrible to feel hated. So how can you make other kids stop hating you?

Actually, it is an incredibly easy thing to do. You just have to understand how hatred works.

Who do people hate? Do we hate people who are nice to us and make us feel good? Do we hate people who love us? Of course not! When people love us, we love them back. It is our enemies that we hate, the people who are purposely causing us harm. If someone makes us suffer and enjoys doing it, that is a person we can hate.

Now think about the kids who have been teasing and bullying you. It definitely looks like they hate you. And how do you feel about them? You hate them, too. Why shouldn’t you hate them? After all, they have been causing you to suffer and have been enjoying it! They are obviously your enemies and deserve your hatred.

Now, ask yourself this question: Who hates more, you or the bullies who pick on you? To answer this, you have to understand who is suffering more. Are you causing the bullies more pain, or are they causing you more pain?

Of course, you are the one who is suffering more! The bullies aren’t suffering. They’re having a roaring good time at your expense! They love it when you get upset. They aren’t feeling pain, you are! You are suffering much more than they are. This also means that you probably hate them much more than they hate you! And you have good reason to hate them more, because they are hurting you much more than you are hurting them.

But what happens when you hate them? Does it make them love you? Of course not! You don’t love people who hate you, and neither do your enemies. So how could you expect them to love you when you hate them so much?! As long as you hate them, they are going to hate you! You haven’t thought of it like this before, because you have been too busy thinking about how much they make you hate them. You couldn’t possibly have been thinking that you are making them hate you back!

There is another reason they may hate you. Have you been telling on them to teachers or principals? Have you been trying to get them in trouble for bothering you? If you have, do you think that this is going to make the bullies like you? Do you like it when others tell on you? Of course you don’t! It makes you mad!

And the bullies are no different. When you tell on them, it makes them mad! It makes them hate you! If you try to get them in trouble, they will try to get you in trouble. And it’s going to be like a tennis match that never ends: you try to get them in trouble, then they try to get you in trouble, then you try to get them in trouble, then they try to get you in trouble… And you are going to hate each other forever.

It’s simple to make this tennis game stop. Now think of it this way: Can you hate someone who really doesn’t hate you?

No! You may be able to hate him for a short while, but when you see that the person really, honestly doesn’t hate you and doesn’t do anything to hurt you, how in the world are you going to continue hating him? There’s nothing to hate him for! It will be impossible for you to continue the hating!

But everyone else is like you, too. They can’t go on hating people who honestly don’t hate them. And this is the secret formula you are going to use to make everyone stop hating you. From now on, you are going to stop hating them, no matter how mean they have been to you in the past. Do not try to stop your enemies from hating you. Let them hate you if they wish! But they will find it impossible to hate you for long when they feel you have no hatred towards them. When you no longer get mad at them for teasing you, when you no longer try to make them shut up, and when you no longer tell on them, they are going to see that you really aren’t their enemy. This is not going to make them hate you more. It’s going to make them like you more. It’s going to make them respect you more. And when you are no longer hating and telling on the bullies, it’s going to make your teachers like and respect you more, too. You are going to be the big winner, and you won’t even have to do anything!

There’s another thing you should understand about the kids who tease you. Since they are making fun of you, it seems like they hate you for being different, and that if you were just like them, then they would love you. But it only seems that way. The truth is that they are happy that you are different. That’s because, deep down, everyone wants to be special. In order to be special, you have to be different from other people. If you were just like your teasers, that wouldn’t please them! You would be preventing them from feeling special!

Part of us wants to be the same as everyone else so that we won’t stick out and be made fun of. But another part of us wants to be different from everyone, so that we can feel special. If people were all the same, life would be no fun. Even more importantly, the world couldn’t function if everyone were the same. You need people with different abilities and characteristics to do all the different jobs that are required to keep our world running. So feel different, and feel special. Love others for being different from you, and they will love you for being different from them. By the way, did you ever hear the expression, opposites attract? Well, there’s a lot of truth to that. In fact, the kids who tease you may be paying attention to you because they are attracted by your being so different from them. It’s just that they try to make themselves feel good by making you feel bad. So don’t fall into the trap of getting upset, and they won’t continue to bother you. Maybe they’ll end up being your friends because they find your differences so interesting!

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