Keep up the good work, your stuff is great.
And a quick anecdote to tell you thanks. I’m a Ph.D. Psychologist, who thought I knew all about anger control, but went to your seminar in Dallas 6 years ago or so, because I needed the hours of CE. I was pleasantly surprised by your great seminar. That afternoon afterwards I picked up my 15 year old son from high school who had a difficult, 15 year old attitude. I told him I had gone a really good seminar on Anger control and with an attitude of trying to pick a fight like he often did in those days he said in a huff, “Well I hope you learned something!!!” Instead of my instinct to yell at him to be respectful of a parent, I said, “Yeah, me too.” So he tried again with “No, I mean it, your have a real anger problem.” in a nasty tone. So I bit my tongue and responded with, “Yeah, you’re right.” (He was.) He then shut up, stopped arguing and I realized it was probably the first time I had “won” an argument with him as a teenager.
I use your teachings often in therapy. Thank you for truly practical ideas that work simply beautifully.
My best 2 experiences using your technique is:
When a girl came to me and said, Ms. C., they are making fun of my shoes. I said really and gave her one of my shoe. She run to them, came back with them laughing at my shoe. I laughed too. When we were done laughing, they all played together like nothing never happened. Her mom was next to me, jaw wide open and ask me how did I do that.
A group of 4 boys were playing. One boy called the other one “fat head”. Little Johnny told me and I said “great, what does that means you have a big fat head?” Little Johnny looked at me like confused, I smiled and said what does that means. Then he said ” I am smart”. Another boy from the group said, “I am good in math”. another one said, “I am a book monster, I love reading”, etc. The 1rt boy was so embarrassed he finally said to me, ” I did not say anything”. I said I did not say you say anything. BTW, what did you say? What a big fat head means to you and he joined the fun. End of story, they all contdinue playing like best friends.
Thank you for all,
Mrs. C. Chicago, IL
I no longer experienced them subjectively as bullies
For ten years, I participated in an internet forum where my ideas on a particular topic weren’t appreciated. Despite having authored a book in the field, I was the target of internet bullying. I refused to leave, but all my ways of responding just made things worse. I was trying to convince the others that they were wrong about me, that my ideas were valid, that they should treat me differently, etc. From the Bullies to Buddies workshop, I learned to instead define the others as friends no matter how they treated me, to accept that freedom of speech allows people to say mean things, and to not play the victim. Amazingly, things changed very quickly at the forum and I’m now able to express all my ideas assertively without fear of being personally attacked. When I am attacked, it doesn’t faze me in the least and I actually enjoy responding skillfully. In fact, once people began treating me differently, I no longer experienced them subjectively as bullies. I’m deeply indebted, professionally and personally, to what I learned. Thank you!
Russell Carrington, Leonardtown, MD
I get a lot of flack
I just want to acknowledge the courage it takes to communicate the message that you have. I have been a child psychologist for 20 years and struggle to help parents see how their projections on their children cripple rather than empower them. I get a lot of flack. I can’t imagine what kind of criticism you get directed at you. It is wonderful for me to have resources like: Love and Logic, Bullies To Buddies and Loving What Is for people who are truly open to transforming themselves to create a more peaceful and productive world. So, thank you. It makes my life easier that you are willing to stand up and explain what really works. In my experience, it takes courage. (And I used the role plays–they were awesome!)
The teacher was amazed at the transformation.
“A child was sent to me who had been teased by a whole group of children as a result of an incident at recess. I took him through the steps that I learned from Bullies to Buddies and within 15 minutes this child was able to go back to class and continue learning.
The teacher was amazed at the transformation. I was able to teach the whole class the technique, which resulted in more time on task and more learning. The students got along better and the learning environment became more pleasant and enjoyable for everyone. Izzy is a master of making this learning fun and easy to teach.” – Malda Burns Rockdale Elementary School Counselor, Rockdale,Texas
It really made me think..
“Outstanding workshop – it really made me think about my preconceptions. Plus, I enjoyed your energy and enthusiasm. You have a sound basis in theory and experience which makes your radical ideas more palatable. And a terrific sense of humor.—N, Gertner, School Psychologist
I got a wake up call.
I attended your workshop in Denver last summer. After working for years with bullies in schools and believing that victims had no power to do anything, I got a wake up call. A 12 year old girl came in to see me (I am a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice) after a year of being picked on by her “friends”. I tried everything in my toolbox: encouraging her to get her friends to take a stand against bullying. Wow! After one year, I have a hard time remembering all the techniques I pulled out in that hour. At the end, once she had rejected everything I had to offer, I asked, “What do you want me to help you with?” She responded, “I want you to help me be different so I don’t get teased.” ”I don’t know how to help you with that,” was all I could come up with.
Not a week later, I got your flier. It was not unlike the five or so that I get every week, advertising an array of continuing education opportunities. But this one offered something I knew I didn’t have.
Thank you! I have used your techniques myself, with children as young as four, with adults, siblings, coworkers, students. When properly explained, they make sense to people and when demonstrated, they make even more sense. My clients have so much fun relating their successes in later sessions!
Sincerely, Sonja Bogumill
…results were immediate and positive
I recently attended one of your seminars on bullying. I was thoroughly impressed. Actually, I have understood much of the psychology behind what I was dealing with, but didn’t seem to have the backup I needed from most of the ‘experts’ out there on bullying. I have since worked with 2 students and the results were immediate and positive.
Susan Kavich, Principal, Three Rivers School, Channahon, IL
…she is so much happier with herself
Again, I am so excited about how quickly your techniques when taught to kids makes a real difference for them. I just had a parent pop her head in my office yesterday and said, “I don’t know what it is you are doing with Charis but she is so much happier with herself …”Mari Kay Reinheimer, Seymour, IN
It has helped me greatly as a Principal
I am still sharing your teaching from January’s seminar with my teachers and parents. It has helped me greatly as a Principal. It is helping my teachers, and parents!! Education is a wonderful thing! Two days after your seminar in January, two 4th graders were sent to my office for rough housing, angrily. One boy was a repeat, repeat, repeat offender. I used your role playing technique with them, and it has worked wonders with him and the other kids too. The repeat offender had been sent to my office at least once a week last semester. Now, it has been almost three months since he has been sent to my office. I just heard today though that he has started picking on my 1st graders. I guess it doesn’t work on the 4th and 5th graders anymore. I have “hipped many of them” to how to respond in such situations. Thanks again for your truth. Keep telling it! Tracy Lewis, Tulsa, Oklahoma
…by far the best, most informative and enjoyable seminar…
Dear Izzy, I recently attended your seminar in Phoenix. In my 20+ year career in education, that was by far the best, most informative and enjoyable seminar I’ve ever attended. Finally, common sense. I’ve changed my whole outlook as a school counselor, and I’ve also started taking a look at my own victim behavior. Thank you very much.
Tom McGoldrick, Ajo, Arizona
I have referred a multitude of parents, kids…
Dear Izzy, I went to your anger workshop five or more years ago (I’ll always remember your singing!), and have enjoyed your newsletters ever since then. My appreciation for you continues to grow. I’m a psychotherapist in an employee assistance program and see people of all ages. I have referred a multitude of parents, kids and other humans to your website, and am always confident that I am giving them a sound and valuable lead. Thanks for sharing your knowledge so freely. I value your opinion. Your gifts make the world a better place, and I trust the momentum is moving toward a paradigm change for the better for all of humanity. All this is to say thank you for the contribution you’ve made to my life, and to wish you a bodacious day, every day. Peace and joy!
I’m no longer at war with my spouse.
I’ve been to two of Izzy’s workshops. I have begun using the rules he teaches in my home with my husband and son. It has been amazing how much quicker real problems are getting solved and how much more laughter there is in our relationships. I never realized how my anger was like a big fish waiting to bite on their hooks. At first, my husband thought I was going crazy and he really tried baiting me for a good argument. I kept applying the rules of the game and now it has become much easier to listen to criticism as well as to say how I truly feel. My anger was ruining my ability to love in a truly authentic way. I had become so obsessed with being right all the time or defending myself. It feels more honest and authentic to refuse to get angry while listening to my best friend. It is endearing and disarming all at once. Thank you, Izzy. I’m no longer at war with my spouse.
Lee Austin, May 1st 2008
…I gain some knowledge but also gained wisdom.
I just wanted to jot down a quick email to say thank you for a great seminar. I have been to many seminars, and have felt smarter after many of them. However, I find I have rarely if ever felt wiser. During and after your seminar, I got the distinct impression that not only did I gain some knowledge but also gained wisdom. I find this a rare, and undervalued thing in our profession and society. And interestingly, I find that people tend to feel very strongly about the application of wisdom, both positively and negatively which it sounds like has been your experience with your approach. In working with clients (both adults and children), I have found myself recommending similar things, but have not had a cohesive understanding or language to help me in that process. Now I feel like I do. I also really liked the sociological concepts of the emotional welfare state and raising emotional marshmallows (I think that was the term). It is certainly a frightening and at times a demoralizing trend that I see in the families I work with. Thanks again, and keep up the great work.
Jon A. Bergeron, Jr., Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist Scott & White Clinic .College Station, TX
…valuable life skills
I attended your Tulsa, OK workshop this summer. The Bullies to Buddies approach was implemented in our school at the beginning of the school year. The program definately brought about a difference in the atmosphere of the school. The “victims” feel empowered and able to handle their own problems. The students are also getting along better and their self-esteem has risen! Thank you for teaching us these valuable life skills.
Sincerely, Jennifer Harris 4th Grade Teacher St. Andrew School
I apologized for my anger…
Hi Izzy, This is Fran. I went home and used some of your tools with grandson Corey. I apologized for my anger and how I have been responding to him. He accepted and got up this morning by himself and went to school on time.
Fran Cummings, MFT Diamond Bar, Ca
Your workshop was the most important and significant training…
Just a quick note to let you know that I attended your workshop on Anger Control Made Easy in Tulsa OK this past year. Ever since attending your workshop I have been utilizing your approach in teaching my clients how to control their own sense of anger by controlling other people’s anger. I have utilized it with individual and with couples. I have integrated your approach in with my own version of therapy where I focus on my client’s processes for creating the kind of lives they are living. The outcomes that I am observing are wonderful and incredible. The changes that are being made in people’s lives are significant and lasting. Marriages have improved dramatically with only one to two sessions. Your workshop was the most important and significant training I have ever attended. Please accept my most sincere thanks for the very valuable work that you have done and for your sharing your understanding of the process by which anger is escalated and deescalated via the biological and natural processes.
Thanks so much and best wishes in your future endeavors.
Clay Langley, L.C.S.W.
Your logic and principles seem to be solid in theory and practice…
I am the one and only school social worker for a school district of 6 schools, k-12, and I attended your seminar on anger control a couple weeks ago in the Detroit area. I used your booklet and your website to develop my own condensed one page outline for guiding myself as I run class, group, and individual sessions (I made sure to site you and your website as the source of all the info and principles on the outline). I ran a session for the first time today in a 5th grade class that has been especially problematic, and it was very enjoyable. The kids had a really good time and the principles played out in the role plays picture perfect. The principles also proved their worth when kids gave the what if’s during discussion. Your logic and principles seem to be solid in theory and practice based upon the conference and now the real test in the field. If the kids will actually take to heart the lesson and implement the principles, they will surely benefit. Your conference was really excellent. I will surely recommend others to attend your conferences and to visit your website.
Thanks, Aaron Kittredge, SSW
…a boon to my ability to hear without bias, listen objectively and act more inteligently.
I work as a health educator for a not for profit health care agency that deals specifically with sexually transmitted diseases and AIDS, so I don’t have to deal, generally, with your target audience.
However, I must add, after attending your course, in Schaumburg, IL three years ago, I gained a lot of expertise in a quality which heretofore, I lacked. Namely, PATIENCE. In that regard your fine course was a boon to my ability to hear without bias, listen objectively and act more inteligently. And for that, I sincerely thank you. Keep up the good work you are doing.
Sincerely, Howard Mirsky, Pharm B.
“Very good. Makes much more sense than what we’ve been doing!” – School Counselor, ASCA Convention, Dallas, Texas (6.28.09)
“I really appreciate the info. It was practical and makes good sense. I also appreciate the role play – they really helped demonstrate the lessons in action.” – School Counselor, ASCA Convention, Dallas, Texas (6.28.09)
“Excellent – I will look forward to sharing this info with my colleagues and students.” – School Counselor, ASCA Convention, Dallas, Texas (6.28.09)
“Brilliant, insightful and illuminating! The most helpful workshop on bullying I have attended. Thanks!” School Counselor, ASCA Convention, Dallas, Texas (6.28.09)
“Thank you for looking at this problem in a different way.” – School Counselor, ASCA Convention, Dallas, Texas (6.28.09)
“Love the paradigm shift. Am anxious to put concepts in place.” – School Counselor, ASCA Convention, Dallas, Texas (6.28.09)
“Your presentation was great! It really gave me what I need to help my students effectively! Thanks.” – School Counselor, ASCA Convention, Dallas, Texas (6.28.09